The 90/10 Principle

This will change your life. Atleast the way you react to any situation from now on ! Lets pass it along and try to adhere to it shall we?

Author: Stephen Covey

What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you choose to react.

What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.

We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which
throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the
other 90%.

How? ……….By your reaction.

You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool
you; YOU can control how you react.

Let’s use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee
onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.

What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse.

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in
tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup
too close to the edge of the table.

A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your
daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph
speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your
daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.

After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it  continues, it seems to get worse and worse.

You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.  Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D”.  You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5  seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.
 
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok
honey, you just need to be more careful next time”.

Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.

You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss  comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was
determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. It CAN change your life!!! Enjoy….

Download it here the10_90rule.pdf .

Words to think about

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou

Beautiful words aren’t they?

This is one of the reasons why I love to cook and eat. The reason I love animals and being around them. The reason I like to spread around humanity, courtesy, open mindedness, warmth and genuinity. The reason I detest judgement and hypocrisy. It’s all about the feelings I give and recieve.

Cooking according to me spreads the love. The idea of feeding other human beings is something inexpressable. It’s a basic need everyone has and everyone loves. Rich or Poor you will never turn good food down! It’s creates satisfaction, happiness and fulfillment in me.

We try and do whatever is possible to make a fellow human being feel good, even if it’s for only a second or inconequential in the big picture. It makes their day. I’m sure it has happened to you. It could be just keeping the elevator door open for someone who’s running to get it, or just help someone get on or off a bus, helping someone cross the road or giving someone a quarter for parking! I know that when I am running to get into a train and someone holds the door open for me for that extra second in time for me to get in, it makes my day. I might not remember the person, but I remember the act for a very long time. As much as it made my day, I am sure it made theirs too.

It’s that simple. Immense happniess sometimes lie in these small often disregarded everyday actions. The feeling involved (good or bad) in the experience is something inexpressable and imcomprehendable unless you are in it.

In the Maya Angelou saying, there is one thing I don’t quite agree with or rather it’s never worked for me. I don’t believe that I forget what people said or did to me, irrespective of whether it’s good or bad.

Along with the feeling, I remember the action or the words that caused the feeling. Incase it’s a good feeling, it doesn’t seem like a bad deal to remember forever the nice words that made you feel good or the nice actions that made you happy. But incase it’s a bitter or hurtful feeling, I still always seem to remember the sucky feeling along with the words and/or actions.

I might’ve forgiven them for acting a certain way or saying certain hurtful things, but I don’t think I ever forget. Forgiving helps me move on, but forgetting seems almost impossible.

Is this the case for everyone? Can you really forgive and forget or do you just forgive?

Imperfections

Why does all meaningful thinking that I do, come in the shower???

A thought crossed my mind about imperfections. I am always amazed by the arrogance of humans (including myself) about our overstated optimism and confidence about our abilities, luck, looks, sex appeal and brilliance. The thought rose up in a context of business when I was thinking about why people charge a fee for services provided or for repairing a product you bought or repairing a mistake like in a restaurant. It is because it is an imperfect system. In nature, there are no imperfections. If there is a yin, then there is a yang to counter it to keep the balance. If you change one variable, another one steps in to maintain the balance. There is NO question of repair.

If more sharks suddenly start populating in an area, then Nature figures out how to increase the population of fish, or another predator for sharks (human waste, ships, pollution or infighting) to retain the balance. It is not repairing the situation unlike everything that humans create. If we create something, then it is guaranteed it will need repair. Perfection is not an absolute value. The human body is perfect (imperfections are created by humans, mind you). The water currents are perfect (distortions are created by humans through pollution etc).

If you are a human being (I hope you are!) and you make something, then guarantee yourself that it is imperfect. I find it funny how we trumpet our own glory when we “fix” a problem and them tom-tom to the whole world (or to anyone who will listen) that we fixed a problem and this is how we did it, blah blah …

Having the confidence to succeed is another thing altogether. Thinking you’re “it” is what bugs me. I see many such people in my daily life and quite honestly, I’ve found that all those people are delusional. For instance, on “Kitchen Nightmares” on Fox, Chef Ramsey deals with a Sebastian who runs Sebastian’s (see the theme?) in Burbank, CA and is so convinced that his menu is the best that it is clear he is delusional. He is arguing with the Ramsey who owns the most expensive restaurant in London and many others globally.

I feel if you cross the tipping point of confidence, where you start to believe in the BS you say a little extra, then you become disconnected with reality. You being to feel that everything you say or do has an immense impact, when in reality others around you are clearly able to see that what you’re doing is irrational and unsustainable. It could be in your personal or professional life (is there a distinction anymore?). In relationships, if you constantly rub the other person wrong with your over-exuberant-confidence believing that you’re impressing the other person etc., then all you’re doing is disconnecting yourself from that person. At work either as an employee or a business owner, if you continue to trumpet your “perfection” or your achievements, then pretty soon you start buying into your own idea, stop listening to others and end up in chaos.

I can’t think of a single example in Nature that comes up as imperfect. I challenge you to prove me wrong (oh, me and my “perfection”!).

Imperfections thy name is Human.

- Harsha

Life Lesson

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life goes on and it will be better tomorrow.

Too rosy and ideal to believe? Yup I always thought so too, until recently.

Whenever I had a bad day or in my case, bad few years(!) , if someone quoted the above statement to me, it made me mad. I hated that when I was going through the hard life, an outsider who doesn’t really understand what I’m going through or or isn’t in my shoes says “Oh don’t worry, everything will be better and it all happens for a reason”.

As much as I hated it then, it makes some sense to me now. Doesn’t go to say my life is all figured out now, I think no one’s life is.  Everyone goes through trouble and hardships, it’s just all about what you make out of it and how you get out of it with your heart, mind and soul in one piece.

This post of me saying this might make irritate or anger someone going through a rough patch reading it , but trust me as a person who’s been in your shoes, things WILL get better. Once you’re down, there’s no way to go but up.

If you read many of my previous posts you will find very similar topics. I have shared all my life troubles and progress right here. Check the My Philosophy section of this blog. Read them and I genuinely hope it helps.

Peace.

Irony of Life

I write about the irony of life because we are told that the only person one can change is oneself. YET, it is the most difficult task to shake off a habit like smoking or an addiction like overeating. Think about it.

If you’re the only person you can change, then why is it so hard to change yourself when it comes to an addiction? In that case, is the hypothesis that you’re the only one you can change incorrect? Or is the idea that you can’t change anyone else incorrect? There is empirical evidence that you can change others for the better or worse (aka brainwashing). There is also evidence that one can change oneself to drop a habit or even pick up on (good or bad).

I buy the idea that we can’t change anyone but ourselves. Then why is it so difficult to change a habit (I’m guilty of overeating and not being able to control the urge to eat). It could stem from the idea that do as I say, but don’t don’t do as I do? Could self-importance lead us to think that we have the superiority to control or change others but that we ourselves don’t need change or we ourselves are way to powerful to be changed?

Hey, don’t look to me for answers! I’m just asking skeptical questions.

Perception

I love this picture because it is very important to visualize and see what matters most.

inside.jpg

and the ONLY thing that matters most is how you see and perceive yourself.

Essence of Life

gita.jpg

Read the words beyond this literal translation in english and the raw words. There is a sense of pure bliss and a huge sense of relief that creeps up when it truly hits you and when you really get it.

You are who you are

I really enjoy this quote which beautifully captures the essence of the important concept of being who you are, and being true to yourself  in every decision you make and at every moment in your life.
If you want to be someone you are not, you would’ve been created that way to begin with!

“Be what you are.  This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.”

 – Julius Charles Hare

I smile everytime I read this story

Here is my favorite story/quote from one of the most interesting books I’ve read. I have mentioned this story ( in the “How Happy are you” post)  and reviewed the book previously. The book is “The Practice and Philosophy of Decision making : A Seven step Spiritual Guide” by Neeraja Raman.

Here’s how the story goes :

A big cat saw a kitten chasing its tail and asked, “Why are you chasing your tail?”
Said the kitten, “I have learned that the best thing for a cat is happiness and that happiness is in my tail. Therefore I am chasing it and when I catch it, I shall have happiness.”
Said the old cat, “My child, I too have paid attention to the problems of the universe. I too have judged that happiness is in my tail. But I have noticed that whenever I chase it, it runs away from me and when I go about my business, it just seems to come after me wherever I go.”


This is my life mantra. I try and adhere to it as often as I can as hard as possible. It’s not as easy as it’s said but definitely something worth following.

True Bliss

“We must like what we have, when we don’t have what we like.”

- Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

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