Arranged Marriage

All us Indians surely know about arranged marriages. Either you yourself have done it or know of some friend or cousin who has. Here is a really funny and creative conversation piece I came across. It’s hypothetical ofcourse, but so exactly captures the moment.

The Awkward First Phone Call :

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in London. The Boy is doing his residency in Manchester and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl’s aunt’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s uncle’s wife in Leicester. Parenthesis are unspoken thoughts.

Monday night, 10 pm

Girl: Hello?
Boy: (Shit, she’s home!) Umm, hi! Is this —?
Girl: Speaking.
Boy: My name is —. I don’t know if you know who I am- (God, what if she doesn’t know who I am? I’ll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot. I don’t even know why I’m doing this!)

Girl: Oh, you live in Manchester, right?
Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that’s a relief. I wonder what she was told – He’s a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!” God, she probably hates me already!)

Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can’t believe he actually called!)
Boy: So, how are you?(Oh yeah, that’s real original, but what the hell else I am supposed to say- Umm, hi, I don’t know you, but do you want to be my wife?)

Girl: I’m fine. And you? (Ok, this is off to a great start…)
Boy: I’m good. (Ok, think, think!) So, I heard you’re an investment banker? (Oh, that’s a real winner. Now I can be a bad conversationalist and an idiot!)
Girl: Yes.
Boy: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!) Where do you work?

Girl: Merrill Lynch.
Boy: Hey, that’s a great firm! (I sound like a complete moron. I should just hang up except my mother would somehow find out and kill me!)
Girl: Yeah, it’s a nice place to work. (God, this guy sounds like a complete loser)
Boy: So… (Stall ,stall!)

Girl: So you’re doing your residency in cardiology? (Like my mom didn’t tell me that 500 times already!)
Boy: (Ok, I can handle this…) Yeah, I’m in my second year.(Alright, now say something else, but what do I say? Do you drink ? So, what you like to do in your free time?
Girl: (Umm… get wasted…) Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to movies.

Boy: Where do you like to hang out in London?
Girl: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be some religious freak! I can’t say bars – I’ll say clubs, you can go to clubs and not drink…) Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there’s a couple clubs that are good… (That was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I’m not really into them…)

Boy: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that’s a good sign. If she was really religious she wouldn’t do that.) Yeah? I like to dance also.
Girl: (He likes to dance- that’s a good sign. He can’t be that stiff!) So where do you hang out in Manchester?
Boy: (Should I say it- alright, I’ll say it, what the hell!) Umm, the same, bars, clubs, stuff like that.
Girl: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I should explore this further…)Are there any good bars in Manchester?

Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I’m not a huge drinker, but I like having a good time. (Ok, that gives the impression of someone who enjoys drinking but is not an alcoholic – pretty good, if I do say so myself!)
Girl: (That sounds really positive. This guy sounds kind of cool. But if he’s so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn’t he have a girlfriend? Or not need to call random girls his mother tells him about? God, what if he’s completely ugly? Or has never been kissed?) Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find out.

Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean
Girl: (Ok, so he didn’t freak out at the living a double life reference- another good sign. I just wish I knew what he looked like…) So…
Boy: (Or she could be really fat with a huge mustache. Well, there’s only one way to find out!)So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I’m visiting some friends in London next weekend and I wonder if you’d want to get together for coffee sometime.
Girl: (Coffee. That’s totally safe. If he’s totally nasty I can have a quick espresso and run like hell!) Yeah, that sounds great.

Boy: (Alright that went pretty well. Coffee’s pretty harmless. And who knows, maybe she’ll be cool. Now I have to get the hell out of this conversation…) So I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and we can figure it out?
Girl: (E-mail is sooo much better than the phone. Thank God for e-mail!) Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at work, so- (God, this is getting painful)
Boy: Alright, I’ll e-mail you soon. (Meaning in two days cause I don’t want to look too desperate, but at the same time I don’t want to look like I’m trying not to look too desperate…)

Girl: Cool. Well, I’m glad you called. (I think…)
Boy: Me too. Well, I’ll see you soon. (Please be hot, please be hot!)
Girl: Alright. Bye. (I can’t believe he called! Too late to back out now. Besides, maybe he’s cool. He didn’t sound so bad on the phone.
Boy: Bye. (I did it! ..)

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